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The Real Role of the “Black Sheep” of the Family


At most, there is only ever one black sheep in a herd. They say that every family has a “black sheep”. A very high percentage of the people I help, identify themselves as the “black sheep” of their families. When an individual enters my office for an initial session and identifies themselves as a “black sheep”, I get excited because I have helped so many see their greatness for the very first time! They see the label as a condemnation or a curse, and, certainly the label is a way to explain the loneliness they have experienced most of their lives. I see the label as a way to truly understand them.

Black Sheep in the Family

Here are 6 ways in which the majority would describe “black sheep”.


  • Know they are different from their family members yet don’t want to be like them
  • Want to fit in and be accepted the way others are but are not willing to conform
  • Put up with endless criticism, judgment, exclusion, and/or mistreatment
  • Openly state their opinions and share their unique thoughts, unless they have been rejected too often
  • Go through years of feeling misunderstood, sometimes a whole lifetime
  • Feel unloved and some of them have the incorrect belief system that they are “unlovable”

Here are 6 things I understand about the “black sheep”.


  • Are the souls with higher states of awareness; they are highly perceptive
  • Speak their truth
  • Know and point out when others are not acting with integrity
  • Want to take responsibility for themselves and want others to do the same
  • Are willing to work on themselves at a deep level (maybe after they have spent time rebelling)
  • Are so deeply grateful when they are understood

The “black sheep” with whom I have worked are so accustomed to being blamed by others and are so sure that they have been in the wrong, over and over again. When I explain the 6 things I understand about “black sheep”, they see themselves in a whole new light. It suddenly becomes clear to them that it’s GOOD to be a “black sheep”! They are often very sensitive souls, who do an incredible job of acting cool, but who really spend a lot of time beating themselves up. There is NO need! One of my greatest pleasures is explaining to these individuals that they ARE seeing situations and others clearly. I like to explain to them that their souls are placed within their families for a reason – they are the ones that hold up a mirror to the others and are meant to be their biggest teachers. They are the ones who have the potential to help the souls of their family members grow the very most.

May this blog help the thousands of you “black sheep”, who I will never meet, understand YOUR greatness for the first time ever. I see you and I applaud the role you have signed up for in this lifetime.

Meredith Deasley

Certified Life Coach, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Spiritual Vitality Expert - Published Author, Speaker, and Teacher.

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