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The Masks We Wear – Moving from Denial to Awareness
I was recently talking to some people at a party who were trying to convince me of certain aspects of themselves. A man told me he respected women yet he showed me he didn’t by how he treated his wife. Another man said certain things didn’t upset him but then I saw they did. A woman talked about how people feel about her but she was actually giving me a description of HER negative feelings towards others.
We have all been in denial at various times in our lives and many of us remain in that place. In denial, we are simply unable to see ourselves or our circumstances clearly. Our subconscious minds always know the truth. It’s the subconscious mind of the people at that party that made them bring up the topics they did with me – in hopes of healing. But the conscious mind of these individuals makes them speak incorrectly about themselves – in hopes of receiving approval.
There are different levels of denial. A person can be in denial about something and it not be obvious to anyone around them. They can move out of their denial by talking to someone, who sees their denial and explains it to them. An individual in a higher level of denial usually creates major challenges for themselves and those around them.
When you are more aware or conscious than the person in denial, it may be difficult for you to feel close to the person in denial. Now, if you were once in denial yourself, you might have become close to another who was also in denial; this happens a lot. This is why two alcoholics enter into relationship together. When one sobers up and the other doesn’t, the relationship usually ends.
How Does One Move Out of Denial?
It is challenging to purposely help another move out of denial. It is often only when something happens to increase that person’s awareness that the denial can end.
For example, a wife is always taking her husband for granted and after numerous attempts to make her “see” what is going on, he decides to end their marriage. This can wake her up but, by then, the husband has usually fallen out of love. He is done trying to move her out of denial but his leaving actually increases her awareness!
How Do We Cope with Someone Who is In Denial?
If we are in relationships with those in denial, after a few attempts to increase their awareness, it is OUR job to STOP expecting them to move out of denial. When we hold unrealistic expectations of them, we are, in effect, continually waiting for them to change and WE are actually in a form of denial ourselves. That’s on us and we are only hurting ourselves when we do that.
OUR job is to witness their behaviour, know they “know not what they do” and learn to avoid taking their behaviour personally – it’s NEVER personal. OUR job is to find a way to accept these individuals for WHO they are and enjoy or learn from them, if possible!
Remember, by remaining in denial, they are protecting themselves in some way; there is something they are not wanting to see because seeing would hurt too much. When we can understand this, we can shift our anger into having compassion for them. Then, and only then, can we decide if we want to remain in a relationship with them or not. You see, if we can’t see them with compassion, their souls are not done teaching us what we need to learn from them.
How Do We Increase Our Awareness?
The more aware we are, the less denial we live in. I often think back to life in the seventies when people regularly threw their garbage out the car windows onto the road. Today, that hardly ever happens! And it’s not just because there are laws against it. Awareness has increased overall. Think of how much today’s children care about the environment; they are born with more awareness than their parents!
And the main impetus for this increased awareness comes from planetary shifts. All these solar eclipses, lunar eclipses and planetary conjunctions literally increase our awareness. Living many lives increases our awareness as well – get on that, would you? 😉
But how can WE consciously increase our awareness?
- We can choose natural remedies over drugs, when possible.
- We can eat organic, alive, fruits and vegetables and other high-frequency foods, and consume less chemicals, caffeine, alcohol and nicotine.
- We can reduce stress, television watching and gaming.
- Increasing rest and sleep help to augment our awareness.
- Homeopathic remedies, flower essences and light, sound and hands-on healing therapy all increase our consciousness….hmm not things the majority are familiar with….
- Finding ways to be grateful and positive greatly increases our awareness.
According to Power vs. Force by David Hawkins, there are two major ways in which we can choose to think, so that our awareness increases: 1. Be willing to stop blaming others and accept responsibility for our actions, feelings and beliefs. 2. Make loving and forgiveness part of our lifestyle, being kind to all people, things and events without exception. Of course, we need to be at a certain level of consciousness to even be able to do this.
“Simple kindness to one’s self and all that lives is the most transformational force of all. It produces no backlash, has no downside, and never leads to loss or despair. It increases one’s own true power without exacting any toll. But to reach maximum power, such kindness can permit no exceptions, nor can it be practiced with the expectation of some selfish reward. And its effect is as far reaching as it is subtle.” Power Vs. Force page 128-129.
I am Meredith Deasley, RHN, RNCP, BA, ACC. I am a Certified Life Coach with the only globally recognized life coaching designation. I am a Registered Holistic Nutritionist, author and speaker. In one session, I can help individuals uncover and remove their main emotional blocks, see their greatness and start living the lives they want to live. You can contact me at www.theresourcefulmother.com to receive this help.