I was at the mall over the holidays and I couldn’t help but notice the number of unhappy people. There were parents yelling at their children, individuals being rude to one another, a lot of people looking stressed out and many fed-up or tired salespeople.    

There is only one way that we can become truly happy. We need to come to love ourselves. There are no shortcuts, no number of alcoholic beverages, and no external means for obtaining happiness! We need to consciously take the steps to coming to love ourselves.   

Here are the 10 key steps to coming to love yourself and harness happiness:

1. Spend more time than ever before doing what you LOVE. The more we get to do what we are passionate about, the more patience we have for everyone else! It is impossible to be happy if we are doing everything for others and not doing anything for ourselves. Being creative with our hands and mind is important. Being in nature is vital. What else do you love to do?
2. Say no to the things you don’t want to do. If we keep making promises to others or offering to help others when we are not taking enough time to fill ourselves up, we will eventually be no good to anyone. Do something you have to do and then book something to look forward to right after. Use your calendar to book your self-care i.e. Take a candlelit bath at 9 pm Thursday.    
3. Find ways to release your pain and stress. This is necessary! A huge way to accomplish this is to exercise – running off steam is a perfect expression to explain what running or other forms of cardio exercise can do for us. Journaling your challenges and insights is another great way to get our pain out of our bodies and onto paper. Hitting a punching bag is another release.  
4. Forgive others. Those that have read my prior writings know that this is paramount to our happiness. Forgiving others does not mean that we condone how others treated us. It means no longer letting the pain they caused us to run our lives. When we understand that others hurt us in the same way they were hurt, it can go a long way to helping us forgive them. 
5. Forgive yourself. When we continually blame or criticize ourselves or fail to give ourselves a break, we have not forgiven ourselves. If you did anything in your past that you are ashamed of, you were simply in pain. And if you learned from what you did wrong, you turned your mistake into a lesson and it is no longer a mistake. Once you forgive yourself, you can begin respecting yourself.
6. Set boundaries or let go of those that don’t love and appreciate you. If we are living or spending time with those who don’t love and appreciate us, it is very difficult for us to come to love who we are. It doesn’t matter if it’s your parent, sibling or a friend mistreating you, you are ALLOWED to limit the amount of time you spend with that person.
7. Act with integrity even if no one is watching. We all have a moral compass. Our subconscious knows when we do anything wrong. And we will not respect ourselves when we know we are doing something that is wrong for us.
8. Be kind. You have no idea how much your smile can uplift another person until you start doing it! Compliment the cashier, stop to talk to someone who you see is alone and properly thank the salesperson who helps you. It feels good to be kind! 
9. Pray and meditate. When we pray, we ask for help and when we meditate, we receive the answers. You can pray to the universe or to a higher power – you don’t need to use a name. If more people understood we are not alone in this world, there would be a lot less anxiety. Eventually, we receive what we ask for if it is for our highest good and if we know we deserve it.  
10. Visualize what you want and create affirmations. Spend at least a minute a day visualizing how it will feel to receive what you want. You don’t need to know how it will happen – that will be shown to you. Choose a daily affirmation to match your vision. Say it out loud until your subconscious comes to believe it. A perfect example is “I now know I deserve happiness in 2020.”        

I am not kidding – these are the steps to happiness. If you implement these steps, you will be happy, no matter what goes on around you. The steps look easy but some of them are extremely difficult to take. You will find that if you come to love and respect yourself and ask for help from a higher power, you will lose the weight you want to, exercise as often as you see fit ;), stop procrastinating and accomplish what you want in 2020.

My wish for you is that YOU make 2020 your best year yet. YOU have the power to do that.

My book, The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health will help you understand all these steps more thoroughly and provide you with numerous exercises to help you come to love yourself.

If you need help processing your past so that you can forgive others or yourself or need help taking any of the steps to coming to love yourself, please contact me through my website www.theresourcefulmother.com.