Understanding Your Child’s Love Language

Yesterday, I completed the Kids Coaching Connection Program, endorsed by the International Coach Federation (ICF)! and became a life coach for children!  I cannot tell you how pleased I am to have been given the multitude of tools that I now possess to help children move through their emotional challenges.  Thank you to the many families that have allowed me to help their children, in this capacity, over the past year and a half.

One of the tools that I was reminded of in this program was “The Five Love Languages for Children,” which originated from Gary Chapman’s book of the same name.  Condensing his work, he describes the love languages as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation – These children feel appreciated and loved when they hear positive messages from others.  Examples include “I love you.”  “You did an incredible job playing defense today. Did you see how many times you prevented the other team from scoring?”

2. Quality Time – These children feel appreciated and loved when they are given undivided attention.  Examples of quality time include playing a game together, snuggling on the couch, and having a conversation on a car ride.

3. Receiving Gifts – These children feel appreciated and loved when they are given presents.  Examples include coming home from school and finding a new set of markers in their bedroom, being taken shopping or receiving a CD filled with their favourite tunes.

4. Acts of Service – These children feel appreciated and loved when things are done for them.  Examples include making their bed for them or cleaning up their room (if they don’t mind you entering their lair!) or fixing their broken bike for them.

5. Physical Touch – These children feel appreciated and loved when they are cuddled or touched in a loving manner.  Examples include hugging them when you see them first thing in the morning or before they go to sleep at night, touching them on the arm when you are speaking to them or playing wrestling games with them.

Do you know to which of the five love languages your child responds the most?  Even a child as young as two knows their love language, when asked.

You may have one child that needs words of affirmation and one that needs quality time, as I do.  Or maybe you have four children, each having a different love language; that will keep you on your toes!  And you thought having four children was challenge enough!

It is certainly sad when a parent has assumed for years that their child wanted to receive gifts when all the child really wanted was physical touch.  Or if your child’s love language is physical touch and you were never hugged or kissed as a child, this language will be a little more challenging for you to learn.  In either case, all you need to do is explain this to your child and ask them for their help in reminding you of or initiating their love language.  It may have been over the course of many years that your child has not received interaction in their love language and you may have struggled in your relationship but it is never too late to start filling your child’s love tank.

As a Kids Coaching Connection Coach, helping kids and the people they are interacting with, understand their own and each others’ “love languages,” gives them insight into ways of relating more effectively and helps to develop stronger, more trusting connections.  I look forward to writing more blog posts to help strengthen the bonds between family members and I would love your feedback! Don’t forget to leave a link back to your own blog too via the commentluv feature you will find here on the site.

“I sincerely believe that the word “relationships” is the key to the prospect of a decent world.  It seems abundantly clear that every problem you will have – in your family, in your business, in our nation, or in this world – is essentially a matter of relationships, of interdependence.” Clarence Francis  

Until next time,

Meredith